Proudly Muslim

I reverted to Islam at a very young age. I knew a fair amount about the religion at the time, I just wasn’t prepared for the people that went with it. I grew up in a really small populated town, so apart from being Muslims many were very cultural. I didn’t know how they would react to me as a convert and although many were very tolerant there were others who looked down upon you. I then moved to Cape Town. It was a fresh slate, no one knew me as “Jenean” who became “Suhaifa” or the “Hindu” who became “Muslim”; they knew me as a person, a Muslim. I didn’t know what reaction to expect if they knew I was a revert. They were so normal and accepting of me that I felt almost embarrassed to say that I reverted. In my old town I knew reverts were sometimes looked down upon and seen as charity cases, if you can call it that, so I kind of placed that stigma upon myself, the stigma that I was below others.

When I moved to Cape Town I didn’t want to tell people I was a revert, I wanted to fit in, to be one of them. It’s only after 5 years that I realise I was always “one of them.” I shied away from personal topics such as what is your father’s name or what is your surname. I tried my best to not let conversations get that far. I felt embarrassed to speak about my parents or family. When people asked what my dad’s name was I would say “Ghalied” (Who is my Muslim step dad), it used to kill me saying that because I love my dad dearly and truly am proud of him. My mum has a very similar sounding Muslim name, so I got away with that all the time. I thought omission would be better, I never realised that I was actually lying to myself. I succumbed to that stigma and started losing myself. But it’s different now. I finally realise how special being a revert actually is. I wasn’t born Muslim and practiced Islam because that was what was expected of me. I CHOSE Islam; I practice Islam because I want to practice Islam. I don’t have Muslim family who coerce me into praying and fasting, I do it because I choose to. So if that’s a justifiable reason who society to look down upon me so be it. I still know many people who would never let their children or daughters marry reverts and I think it’s actually disgusting. Are we not all Muslims?

When I now meet people, I speak about my reversion to Islam openly. I tell them my surname is Naidoo because I’m from a South Indian descent and that I’m not Surti, Kokni or Memon. I speak to them about my father, Morgan, who is a school teacher and about my mother, Roshnee, who owns her own businesses. I tell those people about my Hindu sister, Kelisha, and grandparents whom I love dearly. Maybe I was afraid to open up all those years was because I was afraid of not being accepted however I was rather young at the time. I am so proud of myself for finding Islam and I am so proud of all those people who have reverted to Islam. What if I was not born Muslim? It doesn’t make me less of a person than a born Muslim. I’m stronger now because I am finding myself and a big part of who you has been shaped by your family. If I deny my family, I deny myself.

Hazrat Khwaja Moinuddin Hasan Chishty (R.A)

Hazrat Khwaja Moinuddin Hasan Chishty(R.A) was a Sufi Saint who was born in 1142 AD in Iran. His paternal genealogy is related to Hazrat lmam Hussain (A.S.) and that of his matemal to Hazrat Imam Hassan (A. S.) and thus he is a direct descendant of Prophet Muhammad (saw). He didn't lead a life like others. He was not concerned with material things but trekked on the spiritual path. He was deeply involved with the mystics. Through out his life he displayed in his personality the teachings of the beloved Prophet Muhammad (saw).

Hazrat Khwaja Moinuddin Hasan Chishty(R.A) shrine is in Ajmer sharif and is an important religious institution which for centuries has been attracting pilgrims from all over the world, irrespective of caste and creed. It is a symbol of humanity, national and emotional integration in the whole world. Through his teachings he spread the message of Islam and laid the foundation of the liberal Chishtya order of sufis in India.

Regardless if you consider yourself a Sufi or not, there no is doubt that Hazrat Khwaja Moinuddin Hasan Chishty(R.A) was a saint, a man pure of heart, a man that realized his purpose on life was not for worldly gain but rather a spiritual climb.

The below song by AR Rahman captures the essence of this Hazrats teachings and spiritually so eloquently. Unfortunately this was the only decent video I could find. It is taken from the movie titled Jodhaa Akbar.

Labbaik Allah Humma Labbaik

The Prophet Muhammad (saw) said, “There is no day on which Allah frees more of His slaves from Fire than the Day of Arafat, and He verily draws near, then boasts of them before the angles, saying: ‘What do they seek?’” (Sahih Muslim)

The 9th day of Dhul-Hijjah (the Month of Hajj) is called the Day of Arafat. Nearly 3 million pilgrims will make their way from Mecca to the plain of Arafat. This is one of the most spiritual journeys of Hajj. Mount Arafat is the site that the beloved Prophet Muhammad (saw) delivered his farewell sermon in his final year.

I have never been on Hajj but I can only imagine what those 3 million pilgrims are feeling at this very moment. Some are doctors, many wealthy business owners, mothers and children; some are happy and have wonderful families whilst some are in pain from losing loved ones. Whatever circumstances each of those 3million face there is one thing that they all have in common on this special day; they are all standing equal before Allah with tears clouding their eyes. Their outer garments are all the same, no one is superior to each other on this day. They will stand alongside each other the entire day from dawn to dusk supplicating to Allah and asking for abundant forgiveness. It is said that on this day the doors of heaven will open and the prayers will be answered.

I don’t think you will witness what true Islamic brother and sisterhood is anywhere in the world besides at this particular day. I pray with all my might that the hujjaj carry this with them long after hajj is over. I pray that all Muslims will love for their brother what they love for themselves and that the essence of unity prevails.

Questions for your potential partner

I recently saw a question posed on Facebook, “Help, someone is coming for a proposal. What do I ask him?” This is a question many young women, who intend on getting married, the traditional way, are stuck with. I know many say to ask about his family, career, plans for the future etc. But what about the more pressing questions that are in the back of your mind that you are so afraid to ask. Why are so many women scared to ask their potential partners these scary questions?

I believe that when you are in this situation you should interrogate your potential partner because well quite frankly it’s not like you will be spending enough time together to get to know him. Knowing their families these girls will be married off soon, not to say that this is a bad thing. But the downfall is that these young women will never have the time to get to know their suitors well enough. I agree that even after decades some women still don’t know their husbands but asking those prying questions sure do help.

First and foremost you should enquire about his family; their beliefs; their practices. Because trust me even though we are all Muslim, ritualistic beliefs and practices differ. Don’t be stuck later on challenging the issue of salaami with him or whether you are allowed to celebrate Meelad-un-nabi. These may seem like small issues now, but trust me I’ve seen how it plays out.

Does he have any goals and plans career wise? Is he planning on supporting you with his father’s wealth or his own? I always tell people, I am not a “gold-digger” I have my own wealth Alhamdulliah I can support myself, if need be. I will never marry a man simply because I want his money. But one day when I am pregnant my husband should be able to tell me, “it’s okay, you don’t have to work for a year or two. You can stay home and look after the child. I’ve got you.” That is the proper Islamic etiquette is it not? These are all the basic questions that you should definitely ask, but here comes the questions that make you gulp.

Do you have a history of drugs, alcohol or abuse? I know that if someone has gone astray and repented they needn’t disclose these wrongdoings. But if I am going to be spending the rest of my life with you and having my babies with you, be rest assured I deserve to know! And if you are a man who has truly repented and put that behind you, you will be man enough to look at me and say, “Yes. I have made some mistakes in the past but I have put that behind me” or “No, I have not.” Regardless is he is lying or not he will know that you have standards and is not prepared to put up with nonsense. Don’t take his answer at face value, do your research.

For those like me, and you know what I mean by this, don’t be afraid to ask his feelings on polygamy…. Enough said!

A young women asked an Imam, “Should I request my future husband to take an HIV test?” the Imam replied, “If he comes from a good family, then no you cannot ask that of him, there won’t be a need for this.” You know because the only guys that screw around come from rotten families hey! Its narrow mindedness like this that has left so many young women in the positions that they are in. Whether you are marrying a street cleaner or a religious leader, ask for an HIV test! Those who think that so called “religious people” and men from “good homes” don’t commit adultery are fooled. So no matter how great you may be, Dear Future Husband; you will be tested!

You will know the questions that are important to you, not all women are the same. I know I will ask my future husband about his interaction with my non-Muslim family. If he tells me that I will have to cut ties with them in order to be with him, then good riddance to him he won’t be missed. Oh, and I won’t be changing my surname either after marriage. I don’t believe that it’s an Islamic practice. My father is not Muslim, but I will not deny his name.

Young women, do not be scared to ask those questions. Ask in a polite manner, state from the beginning that these things worry you because you know that there are many unsavoury characters out there and you hope he is not one of them. If you don’t feel comfortable doing this, write the questions down and hand it to him or get someone else to do it. Don’t be abrupt about it, ask nicely and smile. The man who is truly a man, will expect you to ask this. It shows him that you respect yourself and will not be an accessory in the marriage. The man who becomes upset and offended is not for you.

I am sure I have scared quite a few potential suitors away but I ask for a lot because I am worth a lot.