Friday, September 3, 2010

My jihaad during Ramadaan


I woke up in such distress; the sun was shining and my stomach grumbling. I stepped out of bed and shook my head. I had missed Sehri for the second time. I then made my intention and began my daily routine. Later on that day I updated my Facebook status “I missed Sehri for the second time. I need a vuvuzela as an alarm clock.” Many people commented and it was a platform for a good laugh. I recently read an article about Facebook statuses and their hidden meanings. I then looked at my status and tried to figure out the hidden meaning. Was I actually saying that I wished I had a family who would wake me if I overslept, a family who also partook in the morning meal?


Being a revert can be challenging enough within the Muslim society. But can it also be challenging within your home? I embraced Islam at the age of 12 and lived with my maternal grandmother for 4 years before moving to Cape Town. Although she was Hindu, she helped me most days during Ramadaan. She prepared my meals for me beforehand and woke me if I was about to oversleep. I suppose she felt the need to do it because I was still a child. She still had a duty to feed and protect me. I didn’t feel the loneliness at that age. But I feel it now.


Some mornings can be difficult. My alarm wakes me up and I creep through the passage like a ghost at midnight, I try to get to the kitchen without waking the household. I don’t like putting the kettle on or heating something in the microwave, what if this disturbs someone’s sleep? I reach into the fridge and get my yogurt; I stand against the stove and slowly eat it. I then make myself a meal replacement shake, take my vitamins and drink plenty of water before returning to my room. I slowly open the tap to make wudhu, I don’t want this sound to disturb them as well. I make salaah, read a bit of the Quran and then get some shut eye. Before Maghrib I play the radio rather softly, after all I’m the only one who needs to hear the adhaan. I wait for the call to prayer that signifies the breaking of one’s fast. I have my cup of tea and await supper. I’m standing against the stove again; it’s not a special occasion so why will the table be layed? I close my door to perform salaah; the noise of the television disturbs me. I'm not a child anymore; surely I can take care of myself. After all this is the path I have chosen. The next day arrives and the routine begins all over again...


The love and respect I have for my family is unexplainable but I often wonder what it will be like one day when I wake up and the entire household wakes up with me. The lights are on, the sounds of spoons and cups in the kitchen, the Quran on the radio and voices of people echo through the house. What an amazing feeling that will be. If I oversleep, I know for certain that someone will wake me up and I won’t have to rely on my alarm anymore. When feelings of loneliness creep in and when I pray that I had someone to eat with and pray with. I think of my creator and my purpose on this earth. I am part of something greater than food. Surely Allah doesn’t mind if I eat alone, I guess I shouldn’t too. Inshallah my rewards will still be the same. My jihad during Ramadaan is going to be continuous. All I can do to make it easier is to ask Allah to help and guide me every step of the way.

4 comments:

  1. Your post is touching. Fear not, The Almighty is with those who suffer trials... so you're never alone :) If you ever need anything (like a phonecall to wake you up even though we're almost at the end of Ramadan) let me know. Pop me a mail or something and we can work it out ;)

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  2. Jazakallah, it really means alot to me :)

    Maybe I will take you up on that offer next Ramadaan, oh wait! By next Ramadaan I intend to have two alarm clocks :)

    Have a blessed Eid and please remember me in your duas.

    PS - Love your blog!

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  3. Machallah...May ALLLAH SWT b with you...always and hereafter...U r a source of inspiration to many Moslems who are taking ISLAM for granted! May we all get courage like you..Ameen
    Ma'Assalam
    -Schez

    PS-If anytime u can, do go thru some wonderful script of ISLAM and pls let me if I am wrong anywhere...I ll appreciate.
    http://schezkahn.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. Jazakallah so much, it means alot to me.

    I will go through your blog shortly :)

    ReplyDelete